About 3 years ago, a really good friend of mines moved to North Carolina. Saying that she's a friend is an understatement, she's become more like a sister to me (hey boo, I know you're reading. . . love you much). When she moved, I told my other good friend (who thank God is still local and also like a sister to me), that I was done making friends. I took on this internal stance of “no new friends” and decided that I would just maintain with my two closest friends, my local friend and my friend who was headed to North Carolina.
I moved through the world doing all the mommy things. Taking my daughter to her little baby classes where other moms were, signing my oldest up for preschool, and eventually registering her for TK. Before I knew it, I was in the throws of the mom rush. . . drop off, baby class, pick up, dinner, bedtime, repeat. I kept my head down, and I just stayed in my lane because remember, I was team “no new friends.” But then something happened, I met a mom here and a mom there, and shockingly we clicked, and actually became friends. Before I realized it, my “no new friends” wall had been broken down. This week, I had a moment after a playdate where I realized my village has expanded a bit. I've gone from my original ride or die 2 closest friends, to allowing about 2-3 other women into my circle where I am comfortably calling them friends as well. So what's my point?
Sis, find your village because if you don't it WILL find you. I tried everything I could to avoid making new friends, for fear of being hurt, fear of being rejected, and just plain old fear. To be honest, I'm not a spring chicken, so it's not as easy to find friends deep into adulthood as it was when I was 21! But I must say I am glad I have found the new friends that I have found, and that we have bounded over things that are of value to us.
I know it can be scary to let people in, because just like there is no guarantees in love, the same can be said for friendships. But what a miss it would be if we didn't take a chance on a potential friendship, instead missing out on an opportunity to get to know someone who could be such a benefit in our lives. A friend you can laugh with, cry with, and get support from. A friend that can laugh with you, cry to you, and get support from you. Who wants to miss out on that possibility? I decided that I didn't want to miss out on that possibility, and I encourage you to not miss out on it either.
So again I say, SIS go find your village. As moms we need other women in our lives that can pour into us. AND we need to pour into other women as well. Isolation is what breeds depression and anxiety, especially during those difficult stages of motherhood. So don't isolate, because when you isolate from others and decide that you can do it all on your own, you do yourself a disservice as well as your child(ren). I encourage you to get to know someone who keeps showing up in the spaces you are in, who seems to have the same values as you, and seems to gel well with your personality. Yes it is a risk, yes it may not work out with that particular friend, and yes it is scary. But how beautiful would it be if it actually worked out in your favor? It may be just what your soul needs to invite a new face into your village. Until the next time I decide to show up in your inbox, make sure you do something that will help you Bloom Into Your Best Self. . .
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